September 8, 2015 § 3 Comments
I understand myself.
There comes a point where our sexuality and our personality intersect. Where the lens you use to analyze daily life overlaps with the way you approach sexual experiences. Part of growing older and maturing is understanding yourself and how these two parts of your life interact. How they affect one another.
I can’t say for certain which of the two impulses is driving the other. Sure, my sexuality is motivated by pure animal instinct to a certain extent. But it’s been well documented that our sexual desires are colored by our non-sexual experiences and aspirations. The type of person we see ourselves as – or perhaps even the type of person that we actually are – influences our sexual preferences. The reverse is certainly true as well.
The origins of my lust for sexual dominance are unclear. To the people that I interact with in many aspects of my life, I may seem reserved and almost standoffish. But I suspect that the select people who have experienced living alongside me in personal and sexual relationships understand that I am extremely passionate and engaging when it comes to the things I care about deeply.
Sex is for me is, like most people, a very personal and sacred experience. It took meeting the right person for me to begin to truly understand myself and what I want. Both sexually and personally. Finding someone whose personality and demeanor compliments yours is a deeply fulfilling and rewarding thing. It was essential to better understanding who I am.
But that isn’t to say that everything is easy. Coming to terms with who you are can be extremely daunting and at times confusing. It has been for me. But for the first time since I’ve begun to look myself in the mirror and be honest about who I am, I’ve begun to see light at the end of the tunnel. It’s been tumultuous and seemingly unstable at times. For a while I’ve felt like I lost control of my life and the direction it was headed. But lately, seemingly out of nowhere, I’ve started to get the sense that this is merely a phase on the path toward becoming one with myself.
This has the potential to be a defining moment for me. I want to embrace who I am with everything that I have. For the first time I want to alter my physical appearance in meaningful ways. I want to look the way I feel, not the way the latest fads and fashions dictate I should look.
At the risk of being cliché, life is a journey. There will be no watershed moment when I will finally “be one” with my soul and become the final version of myself. Every day I am evolving and changing and that will be the case for as long as I’m lucky enough to enjoy life. The important thing is to ensure that my evolution is headed in a direction toward what I truly feel is “me”.
Who is Eric and what does he look like? Fuck if I know, but stay tuned and we will all find out.