Before Europe

June 26, 2016 § Leave a comment

I’m leaving for Europe tomorrow evening. I’ve been thinking in general terms about a few major things. For the past few months especially I’ve been fixated on travel plans, my relationship, and the direction I’d like to take my life in.

I’m in a unique position in the modern world. I live in the first world but I have no debt. I have the best of both worlds: an education, (potential) career, and the freedom to go wherever I’d like.

I’d like to think that spending a couple weeks roaming Europe is an expression of that freedom. But the real truth is that it’s a compromise I make because I’m afraid to take the big leap and leave everything behind — the job, the money — security, really.

I’ve managed to find someone who genuinely feels the same way that I do about life and the world. In so far as they moved across the world to be where they are now, and they’d be just as open to doing so again.

I’m happy, and for the first time in my life I don’t feel as if my relationship is in some way suffocating my personal aspirations and goals. I do sense apprehension in Larissa already. She’s only been in North Carolina, but she’s made comments in passing about staying here. Even thought I made it incredibly clear since I met her that I don’t want to. I believe that she will come with me wherever I go. I’d just rather her not hold it against me if things aren’t always great. She has to want to leave her. Not just so she can be with me, but for herself. I believe she does want to move for herself, unlike my exes.

Eu entendo como falar portugues agora. Eu nao muito bom, mas eu sei um pouco e eu ta melhor que antes. Larissa ajudou muito. Ela é todos coisas pra mim, e ela faz coisas ta dificil mais ficil.

Look, it’s a work in progress.

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