The Ambiguity of Women

February 5, 2016 § Leave a comment

I’ve decided to become monogamous. She’s smart, attractive, well spoken, and really good at sex. Most importantly, I really like her. After seeing her twice I felt like I knew her for years.

Is she being monogamous with me? I don’t know. She made it pretty clear early on that she didn’t want to be with anyone else. She went home for two weeks after our third date. She said she wouldn’t sleep with anyone else. I told her I would see other people. I slept with three other girls while she was out of town. Since she’s been back in town I haven’t seen anyone else and I don’t plan to.

So neither of us have explicitly said we will be monogamous. So what are we? I have no fucking idea. It’s probably worth mentioning that we fucked after our first date, and every date has resulted in an all night sex-fest that likely kept my neighbors awake until sunrise.

Since she came back in town we’ve had a lot of sex. And we talked a lot. She’s afraid of opening up completely due to her past (shocker).

Meanwhile, a girl that I slept with a couple times promised to meet me in southeast Asia this summer. She left North Carolina permanently a week ago. Before she left, I told her that I would likely see other people and even date someone else. She said it would bother her but she still promised we would meet up and travel together in Asia. A week later she called me and said she couldn’t do it. So what about southeast Asia? “I like you too much to be friends.” …So, you’re saying you don’t want to talk to me anymore? “Yes”.

Another girl I hooked up with insists on being my friend. And to be honest, I think we would be great friends. But she also told me she’s incredibly attracted to me. But she thinks I’m a “pretty cool guy”. She wants to come over my place and cook me dinner. She said she could hook me up with acid too, which would be fun. Will she end up like the other girl, and get upset when I don’t want to be with her? I don’t know. Probably.

I still have underwear, shirts, half eaten ice cream containers, and awkward Instagram likes from a lot of the girls that I’ve slept with over the past few months. A few of them clung for a week or so before we slowly stopped talking. A couple others never reached out to me — one of them explicitly saying that they don’t do second dates “because that’s when I start to get feelings”.

A lot of women say one thing but mean another. I think the only ones being honest with themselves are those that never contact me again. And those are the girls I feel for the most. What a depressing reality they’ve uncovered about their own psychology. Whether it’s self esteem issues or the blunt rejection of love (for whatever reason), these girls have condemned themselves to a hook up culture that only makes them unhappy.

I try not to think about it too much. But I’ve noticed that sine I’ve decided to be monogamous I’ve been experiencing a lot of the same feelings from my previous relationship. Specifically, the fear of being made a fool. It’s only a quiet whisper in the back of my mind. I hope that this relationship…whatever it is…helps me understand how to handle those feelings and overcome them.




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