Part Of What Makes Me Weird
September 2, 2014 § Leave a comment
Today we went furniture shopping.
We ended up buying a couch, loveseat, coffee table, two side tables, and a kitchen table. We split everything 50/50. We took a huge step toward finishing the house. It was a good day.
But for some reason I just couldn’t bring myself to show emotion. I felt very dull and lifeless. My body and my mind felt tired and worn down. Which was weird, considering I was excited about getting these big things off of the list. I was excited about being one step closer to having a real home. I was (and still am) genuinely excited about the future and what it has to bring.
But for some reason I just felt down in the dumps all day. I could tell it was bothering Katie. I’m fairly certain that her and mother assumed I was having reservations (either about spending so much money..or worse). Of course, that wasn’t it. I have no idea what the hell my problem is sometimes. Some days I just wake up and I feel like it’s a challenge to even crack a smile. I blame this on my dad. I’m convinced that its his bitter nature trying to “shine” through. I hate it with a passion and I wish it would go away and never come back.
Of course, this side of me doesn’t come out of the blue entirely. Usually something spurs it. In this case I think it was the large amount of money I was spending. I could constantly hear my dad’s voice in the back of my head telling me not to be a dumbass and spend so much money. Also I could hear him bitching about how stupid it is to spend money like this and move in with a girl I just met a few months ago. I could hear him calling me “pussy whipped” or whatever other bullshit term he uses to distance himself from the possibility that his son could be in love with someone. He’s never talked about me and Katie this way but I think that’s because he’s said things like this so often in my life that he and I know what he’s thinking without him even needing to say it.
On the bright side Katie reminded me why I love her so much. She took my behavior in stride and did her best to be nice about it. She’s hardly been with me for a few months and she exhibits more patience with me than anyone I’ve ever been around. It’s really nice to be with someone who is so understanding and caring (even if it just comes natural to her). She may not realize this but she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.