A Discourse on Discourse

August 28, 2014 § Leave a comment

I’d like to think that I’m a very caring person. Well at least I can be. When I reach the point of actually caring about someone I care for them deeply. As a rule, I always try to cater to those I care about. That is to say I do everything that I can to make that person happy. So far in my life I’ve met only two people who have evoked the level of trust, understanding, and love necessary for me to reach that point. Both were female and neither were family members. But I digress.

Anyway, in my search to find ways to make those that I care about happy I’ve come to realize that there’s something to be said about conversation. Yes, yes. I’ve heard all the cliches about communication being key to any healthy relationship (which it is)  but there’s some aspects to that which deserve to be hashed out a bit. In fact, there’s a certain conversation tactic that I’ve found incredibly useful in bringing happiness to the people I care for. In fact, I find that it’s a useful conversation tactic even if you’re dealing with acquaintances, distant family members, or any other category of human who you don’t care much for. It’s a simple, straightforward and fool proof  way to make your partner, friend, or co worker feel comfortable. So what is it? 

Silence.

Yup. Silence. Sometimes it’s best to just sit back, shut up, and let the other person talk. I’ve noticed that it brings great joy to people to just be able to vent. You can nod your head to signify that you’re listening. Sometimes it’s even okay to ask leading questions that you can tell the other person wants you to ask so that the conversation can go in the direction that they want. The basic rule is to just let go of control and give the other person carte blanche to discuss whatever it is that’s on their mind.

Some might suggest that this is a strictly male/female dynamic. That females prefer a man who simply shuts up and agrees with them. In fact, I’ve found that both sexes feed off silence. If there’s something someone wants to talk about, he or she cares more about that topic than whatever it is that’s on your mind. It has nothing to do with gender. It has everything to do with the self centered nature of the human mind.

Which brings me to my last point. If you’re reading this blog then it’s probably safe to assume that you’re an adult human being. Unfortunately, none of us are perfect (except you, of course). We all like to have the spot like on us and we all feel that our own issues are the most important. That’s why it can be such a challenge to be the listener. But fuck it, try it anyway. Your relationships will be much healthier if you just sit back and shut up every once in a while. God knows we all wish you would anyhow.

 

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